lost

I feel like am on the outside, watching myself go crazy. Everything hurts and i dont know how to change it. Jimmy, You're a rock. I love you. Thank you and I'm sorry for all of this.
Did you ever feel like you're being taught a lesson that you cant understand? The one thing in this world that I always thought I could control was myself. Now I'm not so sure. I mean we can always control our own actions, right?! But, what happens when you cant control your thoughts? I've always looked at extreme situations in other peoples lives, and known better. I would never end up there. But, I did. Me!? How'd that happen??????
The worst part is I could see it happening and I knew I needed to stop and fix it. Its like I somehow got lost and confused on the inside and the directions couldnt find their way into my brain. The confusion lingers but, I'm stopped now. I feel motionless.