hurry up

I'm still shocked and confused. Im desperate for that wich destroys me. Where did I get this misguided sense of hope? I still dont think I comprehend it all. Chaplin said thats natural, then he explained the steps of the natural greaving process. I think the next one is supposed to be anger. Anger please hurry up already. I cant stop loving him. I'd rather I was angry. That might be more straight forward than love, easier to understand.

God,
Thank you for this love. I've always prayed for it and I'm thankful. Now lord please give me anger. I need it to heal. If not, then please lord cloud my heart and help me forget. Or numb me so that I cant feel anymore. Please protect me.
Faithfully yours,
Amy Marie