emotional vomit

Everything that happened with Jimmy was over months and months ago. So, it should be this faded distant memory that dosent matter anymore, right?!? Well, I thought it was, but i guess its not. These past few weeks it just keeps finding its way back into my mind, back into my heart, and its killing me. I really loved him. Even though I know now that he didnt love me, it dosent change the fact that I loved him. And, I've discovered, painfully,that neither rejection nor cruelty makes love just stop instantly. Sometimes I even think I miss him, or maybe just they way he made me feel when things were good. I know that makes me crazy, and I'm sure he dosent deserve it, but that dosent change it.
Every sunday I see Mark and he dosent talk to me or shake my hand and it crushes me cause I looked up to him so much and he clearly holds it against me. I want to talk to him but I have no Idea what I'd say. And then I see Nicole at church, and It just brings back all these hurtful emotions. Between the two of them it just makes me so sad and that distracts me and I feel like my hearts not where its supposed to be.
I keep prayin and prayin, but I think I'm just not doing it right, Cause I still feel all wrong. I'm frustrated and exhausted. My mind is all cluttered up and its weighing me down.
I know some of you all are on pretty good terms with the man up stairs, If you could put in a good word for me, an extra prayer or two couldnt hurt.