My family

KH VU LE PAL/la familia

Brian is the bomb!

Yeah, so my brother Bri is the coolest, EVER!! Hes smart, and he looks straght outta GQ and He is a total badass, He's even cooler than Bond....James Bond (sorry ladies hes engaged). Hes only like my most favorite person in the world. I've been so wrapped up in this Jimmy crap, that I guess I forgot to mention that. Mikey Milkshake, Pooky, Niarb Thimskcorb, Brian Christopher Derald Brocksmith I love you!!! Dang you gotta long name. :)

Momma

I thinks Moms are the closest we can get to Gods love here on earth. Its amazing to me. My mother can seem so ordinary sometimes, just like any other Mom. Then when everything I know and believe is destroyed, when i finally get the courage to turn my eyes to her, There she stands Strong and unbreakable. No "i told you so" even when she has. She dosent even hesitate to come down into my Hell with me and scoop me up. She has this incredible way of restoring my strength by her simple faith in me. My mother is my understanding of love in action. I wish I could share her with the world, so everyone could know such love. Maybe thats why I want to be a mom so badly. Maybe then I'd be able to bless someone else like she has blessed me. How better to give back to the world?!

hurry up

I'm still shocked and confused. Im desperate for that wich destroys me. Where did I get this misguided sense of hope? I still dont think I comprehend it all. Chaplin said thats natural, then he explained the steps of the natural greaving process. I think the next one is supposed to be anger. Anger please hurry up already. I cant stop loving him. I'd rather I was angry. That might be more straight forward than love, easier to understand.

God,
Thank you for this love. I've always prayed for it and I'm thankful. Now lord please give me anger. I need it to heal. If not, then please lord cloud my heart and help me forget. Or numb me so that I cant feel anymore. Please protect me.
Faithfully yours,
Amy Marie

God alone

My soul finds rest in God alone(Ps. 62:1). This is what I must focus on. When the people you love are gone or leaving its hard not to get discouraged. Today I try to remind myself that my home is in the lord. He is the one constant. He gives me strength while everyting else around me is perpetually changing. He will also be there with Jimmy in Arizona, and Curtis in Utah, He will go with me on deployment, and be with those that stay behind. He is every where we are. I take comfort in that.

work,work, work

I been workin alot lately. I'm studding for a qualification at work and the deadline is all to quickly approaching, so I've been putting in alot of extra time to make sure I'm ready on time. Its going well enough, but dosent give me much time for anything else right now. I feel like i'm neglecting people.
Jimmy is leaving soon. He PCS's to AZ on FEB 4th. I dont like it! Nothin I can do about it. Long distance relationships are hard. He and I have been on a rollarcoaster ride from the beginning so a few more ups and downs wont be anything new. His first two months gone I'll be deployed. I'm hoping that will help since I wont have to get used to being here without him right away. I wonder, what will happen!?!?

Happy days(and nights) :)

Just a few things I learned recently......
(some of them, the hard way)

-Life is good.

-Love is better.

-Gods had my back, even when I thought I was alone.

-I'm not invincible.

-Being loved can make or break me.

lost

I feel like am on the outside, watching myself go crazy. Everything hurts and i dont know how to change it. Jimmy, You're a rock. I love you. Thank you and I'm sorry for all of this.
Did you ever feel like you're being taught a lesson that you cant understand? The one thing in this world that I always thought I could control was myself. Now I'm not so sure. I mean we can always control our own actions, right?! But, what happens when you cant control your thoughts? I've always looked at extreme situations in other peoples lives, and known better. I would never end up there. But, I did. Me!? How'd that happen??????
The worst part is I could see it happening and I knew I needed to stop and fix it. Its like I somehow got lost and confused on the inside and the directions couldnt find their way into my brain. The confusion lingers but, I'm stopped now. I feel motionless.